Been a long time since I rock and rolleyyyyyed....

Rock is solid.  It is what I was built on, what I continue to build on.  The true rockers of my era (and it was a rocking great era!!) will be humming a song that the title evokes...been a long time, been a long time, been a long lonely lonely lonely time.  Yes, of course you got it - the ultimate rock and roll machine - Led Zeppelin.  Head banging, pedal to the medal, blow out the ear drums, and keep on playing louder - the music I choose to drive to, to clean house to, and that plays in my head in the background waiting to burst forth and make me smile! Music that I can sometimes sing along to, never know all the words to but music that is me.  :-)  Loud, unforgettable, makes you wanna dance, throw back your head and howl along with Mr Page and the lads!!  That's me!

I just took the "way back" machine to my previous blog, composed this past February - ohhh it was a shite of a time for me - and to be honest she's not all been smooth sailing, but tadaaaaa early March I had a meeting with the powers that be in Chestermere and voila - before the end of spring I was back in the saddle. 

The year has been telling - there have been ups and downs and all that entails.  Moments when confidence soars, I know what I am doing, pushing towards to goal (or goals) and then BLAM here comes a hurdle - in the case of the summer - a tidal wave - that made me back up, regroup and review " is this really where I want to go right now?"  Many lessons have been learned this past 6 months - such as the fact that I don't handle platitudes well - the patting of the head and the "You did a great job Marianne" from those in high places.     Alas the "great flood of 2013" kicked a lot of people to the curb and left the town I'd worked so hard for in shambles.  Worse than shambles.  Collectively the populace is coming back up out of the wreck and ruin, tho many have just sold and left. 

So now although I've learned to keep my feelings about "those who shall remain nameless" at a low simmer, rather than a rolling boil, it's left a scar which is going to take a bit more time to heal.  But it's healing - and with prayer and patience and some long walks with Led Zep banging in my head it'll be alright.

The past year has been a wee bit of an emotional roller coaster, the loss of friends and family has added to the scars we bear in this house.  But again, we are making our way through it. O yes and I realized I have three books in me - so I have begun.  No guarantees that you dear reader aren't a part of it!

And as I prepare for another year (2014 and yet, my car doth not fly!!) I know that I'm not exactly over the hill yet but I can see the peak from here - its time for me to pay more attention to ...ME! Yup - nurturing my health, my friends and family, my wonderful husband, my spirituality.  I do confess, I've been weak.  There was a fair amount of backsliding over the past 10 months - but now, it would be appropriate to spend some time in reflection, look at what really makes me whole, and put some effort into those activities.  

There was a wonderful hiatus that took place this winter - John and I just said "waves be damned, full steam ahead" and went on an amazing River Cruise up the beautiful Danube.  Rejuvination was at hand - lots of time to wander, wonder, and heal those scars.  But that's for another installment!

I end this with thanks.... for the return of my happiness.  My amazing husband said "you're blogging again?" I said yeah, Ihavent since February! He reminded me "You weren't blogging because you weren't happy enough - good on ya."    Good nite till next time, with lyrics from Thank You by.... well you can guess who it's by!

 

 

And so today, my world it smiles, your hand in mine, we walk the miles,
Thanks to you it will be done, for you to me are the only one.
Happiness, no more be sad, happiness....I'm glad.

 

Rock on!

Where did my balls go??

Today it feels like I'm juggling, trying to keep all the balls in the air,  but the balls, they are falling and rolling under the furniture! Let me explain:
Last week I was employed, in management, entering the work my team and I had done for some impressive marketing awards.  Today - I'm scuttling along in the ranks of  the unemployed.  And the balls have fallen - oh not lost forever, but I am going to have to get down and dirty to find where they've all gone.
And what was the cause of this change in status? Oh long long story short - politics.  It's the one big hazard of being a bureaucrat.  A G-man (or in my case G woman or as I would rather call it "G Chick) A public servant.  And like many servants over the course of history - I've been kicked to the curb.
Is this my first time round you might ask? No - most people have either quit because they will not take crap or mistreatment or they'll keep going until someone opens the door and shoo's them out. This is not a good feeling.
In fact I was surprised today to find that the many fauceted emotional roller coaster of a newly redundant one was ganging up on me.
Now I am aware of the concerned, caring tone of those who feel they need to let you know "there are many emotional stages you'll go through" but I tend to place those people into one of two categories: those who really do care for you and are trying to help; and those who get paid to tell you crap like that when in fact they are planning what to cook for supper that night once they've handed out the pink slips.
And yes I have been angry.  Beyond angry - for being quietly and quickly ousted from something I have put my heart and soul into for the past few years.  A gals creative juices can only take her so far tho, and that ugly little "omg you are gonna be fired" demon has been lurking around in the grass, nipping at my ankles like a chihuahua on speed, annoying, won't go away....yeah if you've been in my shoes (and what adorable shoes they are I might add) you know what I'm talking about.
No one who gets fired is surprised.  Well almost no one.  There are the signs, the inklings, the little nagging  and the itchy bad "someone is out to get me" signals that perhaps we tend to ignore or push to the back. Sometimes you can head them off at the pass, but sometimes they spring out of the scrub brush at you and BOOM you are done!
The realization that I am not replaceable is more of a blow to the ego than I am prepared for.  There I said it - I feel rejected.  Like  I lost.  And they won.  Which would be true if you don't count the big obvious: Under it all, under the little girly pout "they didn't pick me for the team" and under the anger and sadness is a tidal wave of "oh thank the lord I'm done with that!" A huge Woohoo has been trying to sweep over me at every turn. 
Oh yea, it's true.  I'm not kidding myself. There is the reality:   I need an income. I have bills. I am supporting the Canadian economy, making sure the money flows in and out like the tide.  But overwhelmingly I am releaved.  Happy to  be on a  road to who knows where.  Glad to shed the crap and mould of local politics for the short term and emerge clean and new and ready for the next adventure.
In the big picture, does it matter what decisions were made that impacted my career? Nope - not really.  The muni elections are in October and hell I am not even a constituent in their riding! HA!
The time is perfect - spring - which is condusive to new growth despite some short term storms.
My plan - get that resume out - and so far, so good - I've found 4 very intriguing positions to apply for, and am feeling pretty dang confident. 
Phase two of the plan: get a new suit, some blouses and a couple of pairs of shoes.  Why? Well snappy appearance aside, I wantto go shopping!
Phase three: trust in the Lord - because all kidding and whining aside - it's HIS plan, and He's never let me down!
Yup, I'm gonna be a sharp dressed, well coiffed, praying and job applying fool! Who knows where this will lead? New career? Self-employed? Back to school?
Stay tuned my friends - as I gather those balls, and learn to juggle again. Rock on!

Take a Hike Old Man Winter!

This morning reminded me: you can die in the ditch here, so I drove in all touqued and mittened up and

Tho the roads weren’t bad, it occurred to me:

I’m breaking up with Old Man Winter.

Yup, that’s it, we’re done. 

Giving him the cold shoulder.

Brushing him off like snow off the windscreen.

Turning up the heat and pulling on the down filled armour.

He can kiss my frozen ass and I hope is tongue sticks to a flag pole!!

I’m freezing him out of my life and going to look for someone to give me the shivers – and I don’t mean hypothermia!

I'm waiting for that cute little SPRING dude and his sprouty green hair and cool violet earrings.

All verdant and making you wanna get out the sandals and flirty skirts;

Or his older but much hotter big bro SUMMER.  Yeah motorbikes, black boots,
 wind in his hair, and tanned skin,

Torn jeans, sweaty t’s , always got a cold brew for ya.

His cousin FALL is pretty hot  too – the buzz of bees, cool nights and sunny afternoons

Fast rides under the Harvest moon and late nights..mmm mmm

Yeah that’s it WINTER - We are so over.  Don’t try sending me a wicked Chinook, you give me a headache.

Take your bulky boots, your ugly touques !
I'm scraping you off like the ice on my rear window.
Take your shovels and scrapers and slide on down the road.

Get outta here, your handsome brothers are waiting to come in!