Moving forward - Healing and feeling.

 Anyone in the market for a shiny red Heritage soft tail?  Yes selling the pretty red bike, advertised but oh man there are a lot of Harleys on the market!  My riding days are now officially behind me, since i sold my chaps, gloves and helmet.  Lol well memories are preserved! Now on to make new ones.

My friends and family call and txt me everyday, checking to see if I’m ok.  Which I mostly am.  Mostly.  But now and then, a weak moment.  Its natural.  But one more condescending “well you know there are 5 stages of grief ” is getting a throat punch!  Lol

I even had a moment of “great, now I’m stuck on this fucking island!” One road back and forth, unless i venture  to You-clueless or Stone-fino…little potatoes fav surf spot.  Lol no thanks!

We used to sit and watch shows about narrowboat canal cruising.  It lit the fire in us for wanderlust!  Travel has always been a big draw, providing adventure and new delights!  So to cheer myself up this aft I’ve been checking out ocean and river cruises (may need some lottery wins to do those!) so I will settle for island adventures and the upcoming Montana journey. Researching island wineries I’m amazed at choices!  Maybe a day trip, some retail therapy and a night out of town?  Sounds enticing.  And maybe healing.  Heaven knows I’m feeling pretty gutted…alone is the word that comes to mind.  Alone more than lonely.

I’ve never lived alone. I am not sure I like my own company that much.  However there is a secret weapon afoot.  My lovely furry friend Casey.  Casey who never ever was affectionate except to trill and beg for treats.  To my astonishment and delight she’s become a calm love ball who comes over, curls up on my lap while I watch TV, and purrs.  She’s trying to heal my broken heart.  And I love her for it!  It’s like she knows its now the two of us.  What an amazing intuitive kitty!  She comes to wake me in the morning, she purrs and trills to me as if she’s reassuring me that its gonna be ok.  And oddly, but this all started the day after John died.  She was always his cat, never mine.  She still patrols looking for him.  Yup, animals sense things.  

I had coffee this a.m. and said I cant wait till I can talk about other things than my loss, my heartache and feeling alone.  It will come.  I hope.  But i suspect its going to take a bit of time.  I hope you - my friends - will continue to bear with me.  

Love to all of you. 💚❤️💚❤️

Endless paperword…nothing is simple

 When I first started looking into my dear departed husbands accounts, it quickly became apparent he was complicated.  Yup.  Since I wasn’t smart enough to record all his passwords, or rather I kept the records “in a safe place” it has been less than organized.  In fact, its become a friggin mess!  And yet, my menno-stubbornness prevails!

Once the hurdle of an official death certificate was overcome, it helped a lot.  So proof in hand I made a list - which I promptly lost - only to rediscover it a week later.

Thank goodness for some amazing friends coming to my rescue!  For coffee, for patience - works wonders.  First mom - every day “are you eating.” When she discovered my coffee and chocolate diet.  I mean I was too numb to cook.  Thank you to friends bringing prepared meals , you rock.Now its out to my fav coffee shops for some vittles in the a.m.  Not forever, just for now.

Needing to regain a feeling of control I decided to sell and donate some “stuff”.  To assist John’s long time buddy Bubba came from Vancouver and we tackled our storage C Can.  My my…a Lot of stuff.  In no particular order he discovered 2,436 screwdrivers of all sizes, and 893 hex keys.  Lol.  “Did Mac get a set every time he needed one?”   Perhaps…lol but in his defence  none were in a central location.  So while we sorted “stuff” and I'd exclaim I’d found some…lol he would mutter “damn MacArthur”   Lol but we made progress, he got things organized and now everyone gets screwdrivers as lovely hostess gifts.  Lol

Recently I had advertised “stuff” on Facebook Marketplace.  And stuff sold!  But although I appreciate support should a buyer discover my recent loss and want to hug me Ive had to quickly decline - mostly because hugs from strangers are a bit uncomfortable. Am I hugged out?  No…I just needed a wee break.  

The overwhelming outpouring of kindness has humbled me.  John had so many friends, he’d touch so many lives - all over the world.  Whether his Zoom Masonic brother in Scotland, to messages from Germany, all over the USA and Canada, its been wonderful.  

Today I discovered Ive misplaced (lost is such a nasty word) my sweeties bank card.  Oopsy.  So that creates more work, lol just what I need.  Tomorrow I’m driving south to Campbell River to collect his ashes.  I know it will be exhausting.  So I have decided to book a room to overnight at Painters Lodge.  Its a place we always said we wanted to stay at, and so we will.  

I will survive all of this grief.  It sneaks up on me at the strangest times.  But mostly I am filled with joyous memories.  They give me smiles, warm fuzzies, and for that I am thankful.  

Fair winds and following seas my darling!