Cooking for my darling….

 Over the past 4 months cooking has fallen by the wayside.  I haven’t had much of an appetite except for chocolate, cookies, beers and wine.  Not the major food groups . Though Chips Ahoy would be on the cusp, just because they are soooo delicious. 

Oh I have made the odd attempt, Eggos for breakfast, a scrambled egg here and there.  Heck I even baked up 4 croissants from frozen dough this a.m.  That may have spurred me on to make a fantastic dinner!

Chicken fried golden crispy, a plethora of amazing fresh veggies sautéed, then the whole she ang seasoned and baked for 90 minutes.  The house smelled fantastic.  The chicken was perfect, the veggies were tender and so flavourful.    

So tonight I set the table, ate from china plates, and had a perfect chilled glass of Reisling to accompany the meal.  And said aloud Oh John, you would have loved this. 🥲 And I know in my heart of hearts, he would have. 

These are the times I really miss him. Desperately.  When my heart is breaking, and I cant help but cry.  When someone says oh “you are so strong” some days I want to scream “No I’m in more pain than you can imagine!” 

But I carry on!  He would have wanted me to.  To find joy in the beauty of a sunset, to laugh at silly jokes, to pray and have faith.  It ain’t easy but I know it will get better.   Have courage! 

Now I sit with a full belly, a tear and a lump in my throat, and I’m not gonna cry.  My cat knows how I feel, even though she’s hell bent on biting me these days.  I chalk it up to the coming autumn and a case of cabin fever. 🥴

Soon its September again.  Friends will celebrate his life on the autumnal equinox.  Weather will chill, and me and the cat will get out warm blankets and maybe hot chocolate.  

This week the North Island woke to booming thunder.  A rare occurrence up here.  And boy o boy did it remind me of my home on the prairies.  Oh it was no window rattling Alberta t-storm, but it was decent!  And it filled me with hope that some day I’ll return to where my roots are.  I know I will find a way, just not right now.  But it will happen 😎

In the words of Bruce Lee Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.

Come on Wanda, the open road calls!

 “I may not know where I’m going but I sure know where I’ve been.  These words keep rolling around my brain, urging me to get a map, and start planning my 2024. 

I guess its simple to say I’ve been around.  As far west on the continent north of the 49th to as far east off Newfoundland.  On a motorcycle.  All sorts of weather, all kinds of roads…the Pennsylvania turnpike for example:  as bumpy as the frost heave across Nfld.  Loose shale on the last leg to the Grand Bay Stomp (oh now that’s a tale for a few brews another time) Low flying airforce buzzing us as we traveled through White Sands, after avoiding street dogs in Mexico. And my first totally solo trip in a “cage” …to Montana and beyond!

Travelling reasonably long distance by car, or “cage” as the hard core riders call it (or over enthusiastic HOG members would say) is not something I’ve been that familiar with.  Okay yes in 1974 I did travel and not alone, to Mexico from Saskatchewan in a Datson 510 which had been purchased for $250 and a few beer.  Another blog, another day. Lol 

But this summers KIA kar kamping trip was basically to get my head on straight and say goodbye to my darling spouse following his sudden death. Now as fate would have it, the KIA actually belonged to him.  And then to his estate.  So I’ll bid it adieu and now need a vehicle for myself.  That I'll own.  And this means Vehicle Shopping.  Which also translates to A Long Time in the Dealership.  

Three and a half hours south of me was an advertised Dodge Grand Caravan.  Older for sure, but in my price range.  Or so the online ad claimed.  Alas, said van had been in a wreck and had not been sufficiently repaired.  So was not, as claimed, for sale or financeable.  Drat! After much searching and discussion, some cold coffee and Timbits, another candidate came forward!  My new to me, 2015 Dodge Journey.  An appropriately named model! And she’s lovely!  Lots of room to convert into my shangrila on wheels.  Shiny black with super clean interior.  And unlike a KIA Soul I bought brand new, this one has A/C, cruise, and an actual spare tire!!! Luxury.  Mac would approve. 😃 I shall name her “Wanda”.  Its the first time I've ever actually named any vehicle, Ever!   Apparently I’m entering a new phase in my life.  

So Wanda and I shall venture forth to see new sites, and share adventures for many years, I hope.  Having lots of cargo space, and my recently purchased roof top carrier, should a move arise she will do nicely.  I’m even considering having a hitch put on her in case I get a small trailer.  Who knows where we’ll wander!

I keep watching youtubes made by women who wander big time, sometimes saying they weren’t homeless, they were houseless.  With todays tough economic environment apparently us young seniors are choosing a nomadic lifestyle more and more.  Interesting!  The movie Gypsyland has been recommended, so I’ll watch that.  

Until then it seems my very snoopy cat has opened the drawers on my dresser, and managed to slither behind them.  Now trapped, rattling around, causing me to go on a rescue mission that involves moving furniture, dropping f bombs and making a big mess.  Oh life is never dull.  

Catchya on the rebound.  P.S.  I am not taking the aforementioned Cat travelling with me.  😂 

 

 

“I haven't been everywhere, but its on my list.”

Ah Sunday on the couch with the cat.  It’s becoming a habit.  Have a coffee, today peaches and muffins for breakfast.  Very yummy.  Cold pizza for lunch, again no cooking involved. It should be relaxing, listening to the birds, checking the ‘net, deciphering messages.  Telling myself to get up and get stuff done.

Maybe make a list!  I can check off what I have accomplished, remind myself what needs to be completed, or even started.  

Speaking of started, the Studio project is well in hand!  Shelves moved, dvd’s and cookboks sorted, and I now have room for the guest bed:  a queen size inflatable.  Progress!  

One bank has been dealt with, two to go:  this gives me hope!  Kitchen is clean, papers organized and mostly off my table. Kahloo kalay!  Heck I even vacuumed and swept.  

So why am I still feeling so unsettled?  Restless?  Its a weird state of mind.  My sister and I are working on a plan to head to Puerto Vallarta in December.  A good plan, since Christmas will be tough this year. (And likely for many years) I am excited about this plan!  I always am up to wander, to have an adventure  and see new places.  On the down side its a few months away and I am keeping calm and not yet dragging out my suitcase!  Lol tho I know what Im taking. 😎 another list!

These days my mind is working overtime while I remain physically inactive.  Hard to explain.  In one moment I’m pondering a move, to another place, with or without my belongings?  Start from scratch or pack it all into a U haul?  Take my cat or rehome the sweety?  I want to be comfortable, at the same time I’m considering living out of my car.  Lol set up house in a new place, or go sit on a porch pontificating over a couple of brews with a distant friend?  Or just settle here, but do I really want to die on this island?  My thoughts are all over the place.  It kind of tires me out mentally.  Lol More lists!

Keep yourself busy is the advice I am given.  So for now Im helping with the upcoming Fall Fair, working on the upcoming Celebration of Life, and prepping the house.  I have lots to do, but I'm lazy and easily distracted.  On Youtube its easier to sit and watch a couple camping in the wettest possible location in Russia.  Lol their inflatable tent and neat gizmos are fascinating.  

One thing for certain, I will keep traveling as I can afford it.  So far so good, and there are some cool places on my list.  😎 cant wait!

Please leave a message…blah blah blah

 Its Friday.  And since returning over a week ago my phone is oddly silent.  Nary a ring a ding.  Does this mean I’m disconnected?  Alas disconcerted, disappointed, disillusioned and frankly disgusted!  I leave my phone numbers (multiple) and voice messages clearing stating my contact information and the reason for my call.   🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗 Crickets.  Nothing.  Big sigh.  Patience Marlean, its a process.  The banks will eventually return your call.  Arghhhh.  Its a test!

Now for my fans who really know me, patience is not a word in my vocabulary.  Oh I try.  I no longer honk my horn at other drivers who are slightly slow on the gas.  I don’t ever tap my fingers on the counter when waiting for service.  I can even wait for a meal or a coffee to be served. But its a struggle.  However this  week its the least of my problems. 

I returned home only to get a dang cold!  Yup, sore throat Sat night, oh its nothing a little orange juice cant fix.  Sunday it was deep in my chest, coughing my face off…this was The Thing , I  heard later, which was zipping around town.  I ended up on my back, in bed, for 4 days.  Oh sure fever, aches, it was a delight,  I think in my defence I got run down being all “miss socialite” for the previous 4 weeks.  

It is tough when a person like myself, with no patience, gets sick and laid low.  And its humbling.  My friends are here for me, and I am too damn stubborn to ask for the help they offer!  

.Learning to accept advice, and good wishes, and love from friends has been a big lesson for me.  Throw in some weak weepy moments, I thank all my friends and family near and far for keeping me on the long slow road to feeling okay again.  Which mostly I am!  I do slip into binge watching mindless crap on TV, leaning on junk food and perhaps a beer here and there.  And providing me with the mental energy to laugh, plan more travel and consider where I’ll end up living once the dust settles.  These are no small tasks.. my friends are awesome.

Tomorrow my very good friend, my Led Zep sister invited me for a pre farmers market breakfast.  😎🌞 She’s been there done that and is a tiny woman with more energy than you can shake a stick at!  How wonderful to know her.  I have a friend who I chat with regularly  from the southern US who  reminds me to write, and paint, and seek ice cream!  A plethora of great people…too many to name.  This is what gets me energized and moving forward.

I don’t want to get all maudlin and down.  I did kind of struggle not to break down at the flower shop, getting stuff for the upcoming Celebration of  Life (September 23)  but remembered an inappropriate joke, about throwing the flowers from the casket into the crowd to see who catches it.  Who’s next.  Oh dear, its the stress…lol  The ladies at the flower shop didn’t laugh near as hard as I did.  🤭

And tomorrow I am determined to get my studio to the point where I will paint!  And at least move the new computer stuff into the office.  Like eating an elephant, small bites. Its the August Long Weekend, traditionally one with lots of laughs, mosquito bites and sunburn.  This year its perhaps a bit muted, but I will prevail.