Halfway thru 2023…whats next?

 Its June.  Halfway thru the year.  5 months into semi retirement, full time wondering what the universe has in store for me now?

Mornings are slower, no imminent tasks, Casey is pretty easy to please.  Food, treats, a pet and the occasional jaunt to the “catio” to harass the hummingbirds.  Seems pretty simple, shes got her sunny spot to watch the world go by.

As for me, this morning coffee is brought to you by Peace and Quiet.  In bed.  Straining my eyes to see Seven Seas Explorer glide from behind Hanson Island,  I don’t covet a trip on a floating mall, but as my close friends know, I do like an adventure.  

Wouldn’t you know it, I saw a truck for sale!  I could trade me Sorrento and go travel, camp, be self sufficient!  Hmmm the only hitch to my plan was of course Money!  Lol ok, there must be another way.  My dad, Big Al, always had “another way” and perhaps that trait keeps me on this wonky life journey. Mom was never one to step back from a challenge, so maybe its genetic?  And Mac was pretty damn fearless…if I started to doubt myself, he’d accuse me of being a “rough tough cream puff”!  Lol so now, I’m stepping off the ledge taking on a new adventure.

“Adventure - an unusual and exciting, typically hazardous experience or activity”. Sixty seven year old widow wants to travel 5,000 miles alone to see friends!  Yeah I’m up for that.  I confess, I am not immune to wanderlust!  

Having YouTubed “ways to travel on the cheap as a lone woman”, I discovered “camping in a KIA Sorrento”.  Like my Sorrento!  It just had a clean checkup at the latest oil change, brakes are good, tires are fair.  Yes!  I always threatened Mac we could make a bed and sleep in the back of our car…so as you may have guessed, I’m going for it!  $500 on Amazon, which is about $70,000 less than a truck and camper, and I’m pretty confident this will happen.   Now to make a list (I live by my lists these days) I have a partial distraction from dealing with banks and sadness.  I’m still alone.  I will continue to be alone since there is No Way in H-E-double hockey sticks that Casey will be a travelling cat!  Lol 

Checking my Must Have for life on the road: Camp chair, coffee pot, little stove, pillow, comforter, mattress: check on all that and more!  Creating a cozy nest that is a) lockable and b) off the ground is appealing. If I feel unsafe, scootch into the drivers seat and vrooom I’m gone.  Oh dear, what if someone stands in front of the car trying to stop me?  Your 180 lb ass will not be a threat to my 5,738 lbs of steel.  And one pissed off, adrenaline fueled old gal with bad hair! Marlean rides again. 

To be continued

Moving forward - Healing and feeling.

 Anyone in the market for a shiny red Heritage soft tail?  Yes selling the pretty red bike, advertised but oh man there are a lot of Harleys on the market!  My riding days are now officially behind me, since i sold my chaps, gloves and helmet.  Lol well memories are preserved! Now on to make new ones.

My friends and family call and txt me everyday, checking to see if I’m ok.  Which I mostly am.  Mostly.  But now and then, a weak moment.  Its natural.  But one more condescending “well you know there are 5 stages of grief ” is getting a throat punch!  Lol

I even had a moment of “great, now I’m stuck on this fucking island!” One road back and forth, unless i venture  to You-clueless or Stone-fino…little potatoes fav surf spot.  Lol no thanks!

We used to sit and watch shows about narrowboat canal cruising.  It lit the fire in us for wanderlust!  Travel has always been a big draw, providing adventure and new delights!  So to cheer myself up this aft I’ve been checking out ocean and river cruises (may need some lottery wins to do those!) so I will settle for island adventures and the upcoming Montana journey. Researching island wineries I’m amazed at choices!  Maybe a day trip, some retail therapy and a night out of town?  Sounds enticing.  And maybe healing.  Heaven knows I’m feeling pretty gutted…alone is the word that comes to mind.  Alone more than lonely.

I’ve never lived alone. I am not sure I like my own company that much.  However there is a secret weapon afoot.  My lovely furry friend Casey.  Casey who never ever was affectionate except to trill and beg for treats.  To my astonishment and delight she’s become a calm love ball who comes over, curls up on my lap while I watch TV, and purrs.  She’s trying to heal my broken heart.  And I love her for it!  It’s like she knows its now the two of us.  What an amazing intuitive kitty!  She comes to wake me in the morning, she purrs and trills to me as if she’s reassuring me that its gonna be ok.  And oddly, but this all started the day after John died.  She was always his cat, never mine.  She still patrols looking for him.  Yup, animals sense things.  

I had coffee this a.m. and said I cant wait till I can talk about other things than my loss, my heartache and feeling alone.  It will come.  I hope.  But i suspect its going to take a bit of time.  I hope you - my friends - will continue to bear with me.  

Love to all of you. 💚❤️💚❤️

Endless paperword…nothing is simple

 When I first started looking into my dear departed husbands accounts, it quickly became apparent he was complicated.  Yup.  Since I wasn’t smart enough to record all his passwords, or rather I kept the records “in a safe place” it has been less than organized.  In fact, its become a friggin mess!  And yet, my menno-stubbornness prevails!

Once the hurdle of an official death certificate was overcome, it helped a lot.  So proof in hand I made a list - which I promptly lost - only to rediscover it a week later.

Thank goodness for some amazing friends coming to my rescue!  For coffee, for patience - works wonders.  First mom - every day “are you eating.” When she discovered my coffee and chocolate diet.  I mean I was too numb to cook.  Thank you to friends bringing prepared meals , you rock.Now its out to my fav coffee shops for some vittles in the a.m.  Not forever, just for now.

Needing to regain a feeling of control I decided to sell and donate some “stuff”.  To assist John’s long time buddy Bubba came from Vancouver and we tackled our storage C Can.  My my…a Lot of stuff.  In no particular order he discovered 2,436 screwdrivers of all sizes, and 893 hex keys.  Lol.  “Did Mac get a set every time he needed one?”   Perhaps…lol but in his defence  none were in a central location.  So while we sorted “stuff” and I'd exclaim I’d found some…lol he would mutter “damn MacArthur”   Lol but we made progress, he got things organized and now everyone gets screwdrivers as lovely hostess gifts.  Lol

Recently I had advertised “stuff” on Facebook Marketplace.  And stuff sold!  But although I appreciate support should a buyer discover my recent loss and want to hug me Ive had to quickly decline - mostly because hugs from strangers are a bit uncomfortable. Am I hugged out?  No…I just needed a wee break.  

The overwhelming outpouring of kindness has humbled me.  John had so many friends, he’d touch so many lives - all over the world.  Whether his Zoom Masonic brother in Scotland, to messages from Germany, all over the USA and Canada, its been wonderful.  

Today I discovered Ive misplaced (lost is such a nasty word) my sweeties bank card.  Oopsy.  So that creates more work, lol just what I need.  Tomorrow I’m driving south to Campbell River to collect his ashes.  I know it will be exhausting.  So I have decided to book a room to overnight at Painters Lodge.  Its a place we always said we wanted to stay at, and so we will.  

I will survive all of this grief.  It sneaks up on me at the strangest times.  But mostly I am filled with joyous memories.  They give me smiles, warm fuzzies, and for that I am thankful.  

Fair winds and following seas my darling!

In a flash…everything changed.

How fragile is our existence.  Oh we make plans, we laugh, celebrate, comfort each other and take care of each other.  The man I loved, who loved me, and thanked me daily for loving and caring for him is gone.   

John MacArthur who I often refer to as Mac was my hilarious, brilliant, wonderfully stubborn Scot of a husband of 23 years.  From a penthouse in Vancouver, to a row house in Fort Simpson NWT, back to the wide open spaces of southern Alberta and now to a wee townhouse on Vancouver Island its time I have never regretted a moment of it. Thankfully we chose Dawson Creek over the Falkland Islands … more on that another time.

He always said his Gran would scold him, saying “only the good die young, John you’ll live forever.”  Sadly, Gran was wrong.   Legend has it he was a headstrong young man, bearded at  15, up and down the west coast on his motorcycles, breaking rules and hearts.  I’m guessing he had a big grin the whole time! In the late 60’s he hung on Haight Ashbury in Frisco, partied with the Grateful Dead, saw ALL the cool bands.  In the words of Eric Burdon “Jeans of blue harley davidson too, on a warm San Fransico night”.  Oh the stories, I can only imagine the ones he didn’t tell me.

John said me his life was enviable - “I did everything I dreamed of when I was just a boy.”  A logger, a sailor, a policeman, air traffic controller, a Freemason and Widows Son, a Coastal Guardian (lol the Russians Are Coming)…oh and the U.S. Department of State and Australian Government.  Yup…busy man.  He described himself as a Cold Warrior.  Read into that as you may.

But mostly he was a big hearted charmer.  Whether feeding runaways and street kids at Kool Aid in Vancouver, or counselling a health worker as a Human Resources professional,  to working with local miners in Columbia, he really loved to help people.  

He died too early.  Death caught me off guard, we were going to live forever.  He was more in tune with mortality than I, and in retrospect he was helping prepare me to be on my own.  A new computer is waiting, still in a box.  New cookware to make sure I would eat healthy. Fixed the oven so it actually was 400 not 325 .  A good man.  An amazing partner.  

We had many adventures.  Rode our motorcycles all over north America.  Made lots of friends and he knew someone no matter where we went.  On a river cruise through Europe we ended up sharing a dinner table with a couple from the USA.  Turned out both guys were coast guard, and had worked together!  

Today as I read the many condolences received, from all over the world I wept at comments of his generosity, kindness, wisdom and how respected John was.  I am so proud of him.  

My journey will forever be changed.  He left so suddenly, so finally.  I know my adventures  will be written “in a different font” from now on.  As I struggle to stay strong I know his love will remain, and I’m not alone.  My faith is my foundation.  

The motorcycles will be sold, it wouldn’t be the same.  I have no plans to relocate, and Casey the cat and I will adapt to our changed lives.  I am so thankful for all the love and support our friends and family continue to give. 

P.S. speaking of adventure, I’m planning a trip to Alberta and Montana in July.  Girls gotta represent eh.

Miss ya Johnny. Until our next adventure.

April Fool? Whale why Knot! I have a job interview!

 In Feb you’ll recall I suffered with lack o focus, malaise, ennui.  Then March came trotting in.  Oh mad as a March hare?  More like mad as a March herring! Our wee port was over run, biggest herring run in memory…So Big that there was enuff “milt” (look it up) in the sea to change about 100 feet of water off shore to turquoise colour.  Seriously.  These herring are Food for many birds, so one morning dozens of eagles, along with gulls, and many many other seabirds had a feeding frenzy!  It was stunning to see!  Queue Act II:  enter the Sea Lions   Dozens of big, sleek, relaxed Stellar as well as some California sea lions.  Weighing up to 2,200 lbs, they are impressive! The first warning of their invasion was me being awakened by the Ork ork ork and various growls and howls at 2 a.m.  it was wondrous to watch groups of a dozen rolling in a big raft eating herring, like teenagers at a KFC buffet.  Lol 😆 having a birdseye view from our bedroom window was a gift.

While all this was taking place, the bears came out.  How do I know?  Well the night before the sea lions serenaded me, I heard Big Growls from what I can only assume was an angry or impatient mama bear and then the high pitched bleat of a cub, as well as a lot of thrashing in the bushes.  We’ve had bears nearby before, but this was loud, so of course up I jump, shining me handy dandy headlamp out the window.  Of course by this time the family of bruins had moved along.  

Back to ocean life, guess who showed up to the party now?  Yup, a pod of Transient Killer Whales.  These bad boys are ravenous for sea mammals, who feature top of their menu. I didn’t get a glance at the murderous gang of Orca, tho the local whale watcher said they had a feeding frenzy on well fed sea lions.  Yikes!  

A week or so later, the sea lions moved on, as did the herring after laying zillions of eggs on the kelp…we live in a wild kingdom episode! 

During all of this milt, whale and sea lion madness, I applied for an executive director job.  It sounds fascinating…and not related to Muni Gov by any stretch of the imagination.  More like where I worked in Dawson Creek, or at the school in Lomond.  My interview is this week, so now I’m obsessed with finding something to wear.  Lol  yes I know, I was retired.  Lol But the job needs me…and I think it would be a good fit.  Lets see..if I get it..awesome.  If a better candidate gets hired, well I’m already in retirement mode eh?  Play it one day at a time and what’s meant to be…will be! 

Why can’t I just relax?

 Stress it seems, hits different people different ways.  Personally I have a hard time admitting I am stressed so perhaps denial is my initial response.

In the crazy days of the 70’s and 80’s I also added numbing myself with booze and drugs.  Mostly pot, which was a fun distraction.  Ok there was the Shroom phase…but I didn't enjoy them as much as some of my buddies.  

So I stuck to what worked, and as Pink Floyd put it, I had become comfortably numb.  My life however, continued to roll along.  I had jobs, made money, bought houses and cars.  Ok the “cars” tended to be used Pintos and Datsun 510’s.  Of questionable reliability.  And the houses were, in a word, ‘modest’.  Lol. But life was good, I had careers, I moved forward, and became moderately successful.  

Todays stress however is way different.  In fact, dear reader, I am now Retired.  Indeed I have hung up my EcDev designation, and am a haus frau.  Uhuh.  Complete with apron and slippers.  Roflmao 😂 if only! 

Seems my idea of retirement included coffee with the girls, day drinking wine in the sunshine, and leisurely walks.  Instead it meant my husband going for a checkup, and the Dr saying Mr Mac, jokes over. You're 71…time to leave the stress of HR and 6 bosses in 8 months…and retire.  Uhuh.  can you see my relaxed afternoons of listening to the waves and hours of painting pretty pictures fizzle away? 

Well as fate would have it, we are now both on EI.   Luckily we have modest pensions, and agree its time to sell the motorcycles and embrace a slower, more senior lifestyle.  This doesn't mean no more beer and wings with the gang on Fridays…it just means calling it a night at 9 instead of cut off or later!

Happily I continue to train for sleeping in, but am failing at the afternoon nap strategy.  However, I am no quitter and hope to sneak a nap in tomorrow.  Before my chiropractor appointment.  LOL.

I’m thankful we can take little trips around the area, maybe a picnic on the shore…who knows?  Today is 3C with wind…not very nice.  My daffodils bravely are preparing to bloom.  And we are both finding healthier ways to deal with our respective stress.  Even the cat has noticed, becoming more relaxed every day.  

I know once we get through this transitional phase of staying home vs going in to work everyday, we will love it.  Already I am happy not to pack lunches in the morning.  Our friends here are mostly retired, so our schedules match!  Lol it’s opened a whole new world, and I think we’re going to be fine. 

Careful what you wish for…2 old farts and an Ikea Bed.

 When we last blogged…. Oh yes, I was feeling optimistic about my life, retiring, etc etc., hoping Mac would set a date.  Apparently prayers are answered, just not the way we want them to be. 

On Jan 31 I thought I was being sneaky getting hubby to come to Drs office with me, when I was getting my “sick note” for my week off. Lured him in hoping for a cure for his arthritis.   Lol Jokes on me, I got a letter for indefinite time off for health reasons (Doc was nice, didn’t say I was mental…lol) Cool!  

The three of us chatted further, and long story short he told Mac his opinion was Mac needs to retire sooner than later.  Husband has had 6 new CAO’s in 8 months…the stress impacts his arthritis….so now…he’s also retired.  He got a sick note too .

Cue the theme from Love Story…ooooh my.  The dream of months of painting, lounging, binge watching, blogging and walks to the coffee shop on my own schedule are now a bit curtailed as we adjust to full time Stay At Home Old Farts.   😼👵🏻🧔🏼‍♂️

As many of you know, when I get stressed, I tend to act on impulse.  As in act first, think later.  In my defence we had talked about moving out bedroom from the street side of our two story townhouse, to the ocean side of the 2nd floor.  It would be quieter, albeit smaller.  No problem…we sold the bed that was in there the next day.  No to move the night stands and the bed.  How hard can that be?  I moved the nightstands…easy peasy lemon squeezy.  Bedding off…check.  Mattress moved…yup not too tough,  taking the old Ikea bed apart…hey it was bought 20+ years ago so its made of real wood.  No “beaver puke” particle board, no sir. Off with the slats, off with the centre board and the flimsy x thingy.  

Now if you'd met my late father Big Al you could see a family resemblance in the “I have a better way”line of thought.  I concluded if I could put the frame on its side, I could slide it with some weaseling, through the door, then into the other room.  Sounds good right?  

*insert big sigh here.  As fate would have it, that was flawed logic.  Not only would the frame Not Fit through the door frame, it was stuck.  I mean not able to twist, shift, lean or budge in any direction jammed.  Thankfully I was Not stuck in the bedroom!  Lol 

Time for the hex key to take off the headboard and rails.  No hex key set to be found.  Off to the hardware store.  “English or metric?” The nice fella asks?  Dunno. Sell me both.  

Off with headboard, off with the footboard….yay!  Reassembled the frame, feeling confident, I mean this is a good old sturdy bed which we’ve had for over 20 years so its been moved many many times.  And now the stupid thin metal x thing that hold the sides from popping apart enough to derail those slats.  got it! Now just to pop that mattress back on….uhuh.  Being a stubborn Menno I figured strong like bull (smart like tractor) me could simply wrestle it on.  Ok after too much grunting, swearing, moaning, straining, I Have a Better Way got the mattress one corner under the frame, the other upright wedged against the wall…Dammit!  This time I was stuck in the bedroom.  I mean stuck.  With a giant heave ho I managed to get a shoulder under the offending mattress and pushed my way out.  Perhaps I need help?  

Enter our fit and wonderful young neighbor!  With minimal weaseling we got that damn mattress onto the bed.  Kahloo Khalay…bed is made, super comfy sleeps lie ahead.  Or so I thought.

Tune in for another episode of “the bed hates me”…..

Ciao for now 😵‍💫😽