Been a long time since I rock and rolleyyyyyed....

Rock is solid.  It is what I was built on, what I continue to build on.  The true rockers of my era (and it was a rocking great era!!) will be humming a song that the title evokes...been a long time, been a long time, been a long lonely lonely lonely time.  Yes, of course you got it - the ultimate rock and roll machine - Led Zeppelin.  Head banging, pedal to the medal, blow out the ear drums, and keep on playing louder - the music I choose to drive to, to clean house to, and that plays in my head in the background waiting to burst forth and make me smile! Music that I can sometimes sing along to, never know all the words to but music that is me.  :-)  Loud, unforgettable, makes you wanna dance, throw back your head and howl along with Mr Page and the lads!!  That's me!

I just took the "way back" machine to my previous blog, composed this past February - ohhh it was a shite of a time for me - and to be honest she's not all been smooth sailing, but tadaaaaa early March I had a meeting with the powers that be in Chestermere and voila - before the end of spring I was back in the saddle. 

The year has been telling - there have been ups and downs and all that entails.  Moments when confidence soars, I know what I am doing, pushing towards to goal (or goals) and then BLAM here comes a hurdle - in the case of the summer - a tidal wave - that made me back up, regroup and review " is this really where I want to go right now?"  Many lessons have been learned this past 6 months - such as the fact that I don't handle platitudes well - the patting of the head and the "You did a great job Marianne" from those in high places.     Alas the "great flood of 2013" kicked a lot of people to the curb and left the town I'd worked so hard for in shambles.  Worse than shambles.  Collectively the populace is coming back up out of the wreck and ruin, tho many have just sold and left. 

So now although I've learned to keep my feelings about "those who shall remain nameless" at a low simmer, rather than a rolling boil, it's left a scar which is going to take a bit more time to heal.  But it's healing - and with prayer and patience and some long walks with Led Zep banging in my head it'll be alright.

The past year has been a wee bit of an emotional roller coaster, the loss of friends and family has added to the scars we bear in this house.  But again, we are making our way through it. O yes and I realized I have three books in me - so I have begun.  No guarantees that you dear reader aren't a part of it!

And as I prepare for another year (2014 and yet, my car doth not fly!!) I know that I'm not exactly over the hill yet but I can see the peak from here - its time for me to pay more attention to ...ME! Yup - nurturing my health, my friends and family, my wonderful husband, my spirituality.  I do confess, I've been weak.  There was a fair amount of backsliding over the past 10 months - but now, it would be appropriate to spend some time in reflection, look at what really makes me whole, and put some effort into those activities.  

There was a wonderful hiatus that took place this winter - John and I just said "waves be damned, full steam ahead" and went on an amazing River Cruise up the beautiful Danube.  Rejuvination was at hand - lots of time to wander, wonder, and heal those scars.  But that's for another installment!

I end this with thanks.... for the return of my happiness.  My amazing husband said "you're blogging again?" I said yeah, Ihavent since February! He reminded me "You weren't blogging because you weren't happy enough - good on ya."    Good nite till next time, with lyrics from Thank You by.... well you can guess who it's by!

 

 

And so today, my world it smiles, your hand in mine, we walk the miles,
Thanks to you it will be done, for you to me are the only one.
Happiness, no more be sad, happiness....I'm glad.

 

Rock on!

Where did my balls go??

Today it feels like I'm juggling, trying to keep all the balls in the air,  but the balls, they are falling and rolling under the furniture! Let me explain:
Last week I was employed, in management, entering the work my team and I had done for some impressive marketing awards.  Today - I'm scuttling along in the ranks of  the unemployed.  And the balls have fallen - oh not lost forever, but I am going to have to get down and dirty to find where they've all gone.
And what was the cause of this change in status? Oh long long story short - politics.  It's the one big hazard of being a bureaucrat.  A G-man (or in my case G woman or as I would rather call it "G Chick) A public servant.  And like many servants over the course of history - I've been kicked to the curb.
Is this my first time round you might ask? No - most people have either quit because they will not take crap or mistreatment or they'll keep going until someone opens the door and shoo's them out. This is not a good feeling.
In fact I was surprised today to find that the many fauceted emotional roller coaster of a newly redundant one was ganging up on me.
Now I am aware of the concerned, caring tone of those who feel they need to let you know "there are many emotional stages you'll go through" but I tend to place those people into one of two categories: those who really do care for you and are trying to help; and those who get paid to tell you crap like that when in fact they are planning what to cook for supper that night once they've handed out the pink slips.
And yes I have been angry.  Beyond angry - for being quietly and quickly ousted from something I have put my heart and soul into for the past few years.  A gals creative juices can only take her so far tho, and that ugly little "omg you are gonna be fired" demon has been lurking around in the grass, nipping at my ankles like a chihuahua on speed, annoying, won't go away....yeah if you've been in my shoes (and what adorable shoes they are I might add) you know what I'm talking about.
No one who gets fired is surprised.  Well almost no one.  There are the signs, the inklings, the little nagging  and the itchy bad "someone is out to get me" signals that perhaps we tend to ignore or push to the back. Sometimes you can head them off at the pass, but sometimes they spring out of the scrub brush at you and BOOM you are done!
The realization that I am not replaceable is more of a blow to the ego than I am prepared for.  There I said it - I feel rejected.  Like  I lost.  And they won.  Which would be true if you don't count the big obvious: Under it all, under the little girly pout "they didn't pick me for the team" and under the anger and sadness is a tidal wave of "oh thank the lord I'm done with that!" A huge Woohoo has been trying to sweep over me at every turn. 
Oh yea, it's true.  I'm not kidding myself. There is the reality:   I need an income. I have bills. I am supporting the Canadian economy, making sure the money flows in and out like the tide.  But overwhelmingly I am releaved.  Happy to  be on a  road to who knows where.  Glad to shed the crap and mould of local politics for the short term and emerge clean and new and ready for the next adventure.
In the big picture, does it matter what decisions were made that impacted my career? Nope - not really.  The muni elections are in October and hell I am not even a constituent in their riding! HA!
The time is perfect - spring - which is condusive to new growth despite some short term storms.
My plan - get that resume out - and so far, so good - I've found 4 very intriguing positions to apply for, and am feeling pretty dang confident. 
Phase two of the plan: get a new suit, some blouses and a couple of pairs of shoes.  Why? Well snappy appearance aside, I wantto go shopping!
Phase three: trust in the Lord - because all kidding and whining aside - it's HIS plan, and He's never let me down!
Yup, I'm gonna be a sharp dressed, well coiffed, praying and job applying fool! Who knows where this will lead? New career? Self-employed? Back to school?
Stay tuned my friends - as I gather those balls, and learn to juggle again. Rock on!

Take a Hike Old Man Winter!

This morning reminded me: you can die in the ditch here, so I drove in all touqued and mittened up and

Tho the roads weren’t bad, it occurred to me:

I’m breaking up with Old Man Winter.

Yup, that’s it, we’re done. 

Giving him the cold shoulder.

Brushing him off like snow off the windscreen.

Turning up the heat and pulling on the down filled armour.

He can kiss my frozen ass and I hope is tongue sticks to a flag pole!!

I’m freezing him out of my life and going to look for someone to give me the shivers – and I don’t mean hypothermia!

I'm waiting for that cute little SPRING dude and his sprouty green hair and cool violet earrings.

All verdant and making you wanna get out the sandals and flirty skirts;

Or his older but much hotter big bro SUMMER.  Yeah motorbikes, black boots,
 wind in his hair, and tanned skin,

Torn jeans, sweaty t’s , always got a cold brew for ya.

His cousin FALL is pretty hot  too – the buzz of bees, cool nights and sunny afternoons

Fast rides under the Harvest moon and late nights..mmm mmm

Yeah that’s it WINTER - We are so over.  Don’t try sending me a wicked Chinook, you give me a headache.

Take your bulky boots, your ugly touques !
I'm scraping you off like the ice on my rear window.
Take your shovels and scrapers and slide on down the road.

Get outta here, your handsome brothers are waiting to come in!

Summer I barely knew thee....

The labour day weekend is now a memory in the past.  Albeit an awesome memory - of belly laughs, beer and campfire smoke, of learning all about "pitchfork bacon" (voted the most perfect man food of all time) and of one last ride before it was back to work you fool (which in my reality is the adult working stiffs version of back to school)

Yes, the bugs of this past weekend still cling to my trusty sporty, the leathers now dry and hopper gut encrusted are folded and wait my attention.  But I can't bring myself to do it - it's like completing the act of cleaning up my riding gear and putting it away is an admission of surrender to fall.

Now don't get me wrong, fall is a nice time of year.  Lovely rusts and golds surrounding crisp mornings and starry nights.  But summer - oh that sweet lass of  the year, was by far the fairest in the land. 

Oh she was a reluctant teary wench, pouring out rain and storms in the beginning but slowly she warmed to the months of July and August - in fact the wench became downright hot and bothered! +33 C degrees, vicious winds and scary thunderstorms punctuated by massive hail - when summer got warmed up, it was a hot flash of menopausal dimensions!  Moody tho she was, there were those pleasant sleepy afternoons, when even the flys didn't bother to  buzz.  Those were the afternoons meant for napping in the lawn chair after a breif and feeble effort at making it through the next 6 pages of my book.  Didn't happen - snoozing won out.

Riding my bike, cruising along on a hot day was devine! Bugs be damned, it was full speed ahead, and listening to the calm drone of my bike was awesome.  A trip down the west (or as we say 'wet'coast) was a balm - a way of aligning my stars and cards and whatever else needed aligning. 

You see a good ride is like therapy.  There is no time to dwell on the flotsam and minutea of day to day life, no need to worry if my hair looks okay, if I'm gonna loose weight, if the bills are all paid or if I changed my voice mail at work.  Not important to me at the time.  All that matters is I'm in the zone. 

And the zone is only focusing on the now - not yesterday, not what is happening tomorrow or in other parts of the world.  When a person gets in the zone on their bike it's all about the  road, the bike and your immediate surroundings.  And assuming you are moving along with traffic, the immediate surroundings change second by second.  So I get in the zone, listen and feel for changes in the way the bike runs, or the road feels;  I watch for the road surface, noting areas to avoid, and adjusting my route appropriately.  I notice the immediate surroundings as I move through them - cars rolling to a stop, on coming traffic if there is any, and if none then the sky, the grass in the ditch, cows watching and cheering for me as I zip along with a goofy grin of zenlike satisfaction on my face. and THAT is when I am at my happiest. 

The Zone - it's when I feel connected to the now - to God, to Earth, to my Bike, and the only other thing that matters is seeing  the back of my hubby as he too zones along on his bike somewhere ahead of me.  Sure there are elements trying to distract me - an occassional kamakaze beetle that dings off my forehead at 75 mph - a good wake up call from the Big Guy Above to pay attention perhaps?  Or a mare and colt who try to race for a few hundred feet and then veer off to enjoy their day without me. And once a hawk who just couldn't seem to pull up fast enough to avoid a near miss with my helmet.  But overall, as in 98% of the time - it's a glorious wonderful brush with life. 

My friends hear of all the bad parts of riding a motorcycle, and my mom worries that it's dangerous.  Well it is.  Let's be honest, between me and the big truck hurtling along beside me - I'm the softest thing out there.  And if it's my fate - well then I hope it's quick.  But this is not something I, or most riders dwell on.  We know what can happen, and if that is too much to fathom, and all we think about - then it's time to hang up the helmet and get back in the Buick.  I have faith in my ability to avoid dangers, to look ahead and be defensive.  That too is part of the Zone.  You don't remove yourself from the traffic or  road or horrible wind - you are there - 100% in the moment, paying attention and it becomes second nature. 

And that's why I do it - I love it! I feel energized, even after three hours battling a wicked headwind.  Because I'm alive!

Let me end with this little tale from the past: 

Many years ago, it was in Nevada the summer they'd had a lot of grass and brush fires.  Riding west, three of us were blissfully unaware that a storm was waiting to bear down on us.  I thought the horizon looked too dark, but hey it could be a desert thunderstorm and they are wicked! (remind me to tell you about being kinda struck by lightening some time)  And I do  recall wondering why someone would have a campfire going, because I could see a white plume of smoke going straight up in the distance, highlighted by the black behind it.  Hmmmm that might not be a campfire I recall thinking, almost looks like...a TWISTER! And those people in the oncoming lane on the freeway, they aren't being overly friendly - even tho all the drivers were waving like lunatics - they were TELLING US  TO TURN BACK!!!  And those thunderclouds - why it was wind, it was A HUGE DUST STORM rolling down on us! No wonder there wasn't any  traffic headed west along with us, we didn't have radios - we hadn't heard the warnings! 

Yup, God looks after fools and children, because we finally realized what we were about to head into, stopped and turned around.  It wasn't a problem because no one was traveling towards west but us! So three riders, tails between our legs hauled a$$ back to the last town, crossed the interstate median, rolled into a gas station and tucked our bikes up on the board walk next to the grocery store on the leeward side just in time.  We all burst into the store before we even spoke - then watched as the black sooty sand washed down the windows like water.  That day several people died on that stretch of highway as they were caught in a complete black out on that interstate in Nevada.  Thankfully we three were not among them.  And if that wasn't enough, when we finally got ourselves collected and the nervous laughter and adrenalin died down, we walked out to find one of the bikes had a totally flat back tire.  How lucky were we not to have that happen on the road in a storm? 

The day was saved, we found a shop, mended the tire, stayed the night and lived to tell a good tale.  Scary? you betcha - exciting - of course. Did I feel alive? Oh yes! And Thankful beyond words.

To this day I am thankful that I get to ride and smell the sage and see the sights on my bike with my beloved hubby riding ahead of me.  Now this blog didn't really touch on our wonderful trip to California, the vineyards, the olive groves, miles of walnut and almond orchards - but we'll save that for another installment.

Enjoy life.  Don't dwell on the crap you can't change.  And always give thanks for what you got!

Remember The Stance.

Memories and old friends last forever....

You've heard about a snapshot memory right? A time or instance or experience so crystal clear in your memory it's like looking at a photo.  I might not remember what lead up to that moment, or what else was happening just then, but I, like you have many snapshot moments.

One of the earliest is of me as a little tot playing with a huge stuffed dog, a red cheap cotton dog that as I grew older recognized as a prize from a fair.  For those less Gen Y readers, you'll likely recall the stuffing - made out of something that reminded me of wood shavings.  A dog full of potential slivers...hahahaha.  But I recall hugging that dog and the grey speckled congoleum of the floor.  That is all I remember - could have been my mom's house or grandmas.   That big toy dog might not have even been mine - might have been my aunts for all I know...but I do remember that at a very young age - like 2 or 3 I loved that dog at that moment. 

My first bike - ok this is a picture cause I'm not sure if I still have any of the one I rode for a few years,
 but despite bad wiring, Amyl carbs and Lucas wiring - that 750 Triumph was a fun fast little bike!

And here is  why I mention that snapshot memory - because my life is full of them! A bike trip back from California, just north of Boise, there is a large truck stop and sign, and as we rode by on the freeway it just flashed on me - I'd been there before! And I had a picture in my mind of two frozen greasy haired kids on a Triumph, pulling in on the way to I can't remember where,  hungry for a meal, happy to find warmth  - and being greeted by stares and snears and a whole lot of  scary nasty energy from a whole schwack of truckers! Now this was a long time ago - 22 years or more - when it wasn't so "de rigeur" to be on a motorcycle.  I can recall everything about that moment, but not the name of the truckstop, nor what we had, or if we indeed even had anything! That was eons ago - and man, how times have now changed!

When I first got my license, I had already been riding bikes for a few years.  And it was not too often you'd see a girl on a bike - not in the prairie towns I hung in! So it was fun - got to hang with the guys, sit and watch them work on bikes, reading the manuals and pointing out when they were screwing up - and often being right! I learned what made a bike run, what tools were needed and how to make the tool that you didn't have.  It was a cool time of my life, and I have a lot of great memories of a smoky garage, cold beers, loud rock and roll, and a group of fools gathered, "in the stance" talking about bikes. 

Oh yeah about the garage: I'm not talking about the sterile, tiled and organized units attached to the front of the house you see all over now adays.  No this kind of garage (in my day...wow that sounded old!)  always backed onto an alley.  Maybe a long driveway leading up to it - but never in front! Sometimes not more than an expanded  garden shed (wooden) or on occassion an outbuilding on a farm, but more on that later!  The cops knew where they were and occassionally popped round to "make sure everyone was okay" (Okay!!)

For those who were there - or hung out somewhere else in a similar garage in those days - I shouldn't have to describe "the stance" but for those who don't know (or just because I like writing about it) I'm going to anyways!

Male or female, it doesn't differ.  The Stance - it's when you are standing, legs slightly parted, one arm folded and on your belly, head tilted to the side and often with a smoke hanging out of your mouth, gesturing with the other hand often while it's holding a beer bottle to whatever or whomever you are talking about. And after a point is made, taking a deep drag or a long pull on the beer - listening to the agreement or disagreements from the others in the vicinity.  At the end of the night, the Stance sometimes required a backward balancing step to off set gravity - which was dead set on taking advantage of those beers!
Gravity can be cruel..and many good laughs were had because of it! 

But that was a lifetime ago, and although I have many memories - snapshot and otherwise - of those long nights in the garage with da boys, it was part of what makes me who I am.  A smart mouthed, quick witted, no crap kind of woman.  And good around bikes!

And from many hours of riding, sharing stories, telling jokes, arguing and just having fun I made some really really good friends.  As fate would have it I just reunited with a couple of da boys after a long absence.  One is my buddy who will be called "chickenhawk" to protect the not so innocent!  The other we'll call SFC.  And you'll read more about them as memory serves me and as time goes on.

For both of these guys - both still friends since well before my favorite husband Mac, it was like old times - and like no time had passed since we'd seen each other.  I'm looking forward to a day when we can assume the stance, and tell tales about where we've been, what we've seen and life in general.

I've had a lot of bikes, and a lot to do with bikes in my life.  Maybe not the fastest rider, the fanciest bikes, or the most exotice places but my riding days are among the most cherished of my life.  And my rides have lead me to some pretty dang good adventures, great people and to my darling Mac. 

Next time when you are at a party, I dare you to slip into the stance.  Betcha all your buddies will assume the stance in about 10 minutes into the conversations!!

Life's Short - Ride Hard!

High Desert in Idaho - amazing big spaces!

There's gotta be a way... 

Some how, some way I need to find a way to make money riding my motorcycle and writing about the amazing experiences I've had!

I could wax philosophical and go on for hours about the zen-ness of being on a bike in a vast wild paradise, how it feeds my soul, renews my spirit, allows me to wrestle and come to agreement with all the old demons and ghosts that hang over my shoulder during my "normal life".

Or I could just go wild, give in to my inner secret self - that old buddy Wanda (as in Wandalust!) who urges me at the most innapropriate and surprising times to set my purse down, grab my keys and boots - and into the sunset I ride!! Ah how blissful would that be? Warm Pacific wind beckoning me to ride faster, over the mountains with wintery peaks, through miles of flowers and forest until I find myself side by side with twisting coastal highways....ahhh yes that would be so nice!

Why not mornings rolling out of a comfy bed in time for coffee with the sunrise, leather's at the ready, tank full of gas and good tires - and just head out - letting the weather determine the route - travelling until the beauty of the surroundings beg you to stop to just sit and listen to ...NOTHING for a while? Watching antelope race through the sage, hearing red tail hawks cry out as they glide for the sheer joy of being able to fly! Seeing fellow riders on the road, sharing a beer, a coffee or a sandwich in a friendly place..chap clad legs stretched out as I lean back into the seat and laugh at a shared experience?

His eyes crackling with laughter, my husband and best forever damn I love him riding partner - sometimes teasing me till I am nearing the red line of anger, only to make me laugh out loud at my foibles, or in amazement that he had the nerve to push me that far! Oh he's a fantastic guy to travel with - knows all the schedules, studies maps and can't remember their numbers once the trip is underway.  Mac is one of a kind - we both studied like it was finals to prep for our most recent venture into California, and be damn if when the rubber hit the road - we both forgot it all! LOL It was heaven all compressed into two and a half weeks!

So my challenge now - or ONE of my challenges now - is to figure out how to make a living riding my bike.  Reporting on the adventures, the highs, the lows, the good, the bad and the ugly of being all over the place on a bike with a variety of people!

This blog has been a starting point and a bit of a test drive - can I actually put to paper in an intellegent way some of my many life adventures? And although it's not going to be pretty - I'm feeling more ready than ever!

Is it because I just got, as they say "another year older and deeper in debt", or is it that a week ago at the local bike dealer's I sat on THE BIKE OF MY DREAMS and as I was drooling over it realized I'll be 60 before I can buy it!! Freaking 60!!!!! Humbling.  Yikes, when the hell did I get this old?

Yup, I pull on the chaps, tie up my boots, zip up my jacket and I'm....ageless! The same as I was how many decades ago? A better rider for sure.  But I feel...so hard to describe - maybe 35? 40? 50? can't say! But I feel good - complete, where I should be. How I was meant to feel as a human being. Can this be my total destiny?

My current job is satisfying, tho a bit restrictive - even with all the freedom to create, be imaginative, it's still a shackle to a computer.  My ride? It's totally free.  Ok not "free" in the monetary sense, but free in the sense I am the one calling the shots, making my own decisions, making the most of the moment.  Not at the expense of my relationships - of course I am happy to be part of a pair, but in the sense that it's so fulfilling to be riding and traveling with my husband, that he's like the icing on the cake!

And with that last almost dewey eyed revelation, reality now demands that I attend another Council meeting, focus on making money to pay the bills -- and to keep me on the road! (at least until I can figure out how to ride and live!)

Keep the shiny side up and the rubber side down friends!

Oh May O Me O My O

Summer signs are here - high winds, keeping hawks aloft, ducks and geese busy building and brooding...hot evenings, cool dawns, and of course a chorus of birds!

About time you might say, with summer yard work, house chores, vacation plans....but hey, it's time that I don't have to spare.  Dust the furniture? On a nice  day - you gotta be joking! Dust is just a way of protecting your surfaces, it provides a good place to write in a phone number when you can't find a pen! Don't laugh - you know I have done this!

And yard work - highly over rated! Why deny the young lad his biweekly $20 bill to mow both front AND back lawns when there are two totally capable motorcycles in the garage?  So a fie o the weeds and crab grass, pfffssstttt to the dusting, and ok I'll start the dishwasher but that is where I draw the line....and onto the open road!

Early season bees abound, and sadly each trip out decreases their number as they insist on smashing into my helmet and if I don't duck quickly enough, into my face! Youch!  The riding tho - it's so wonderful! Our routes don't take us into a lot of traffic, so we enjoy broad vistas, bright sun, and small herds of antelope in the feilds beside us.  I even got to see a wee baby 'lope, sleeping on the green grass, surrounded by mothers, aunts and likey some hidden cousins!

Fuzzy antlered bucks watch us as we whiz past - and how can one not whiz when the only thing on the highway might be the odd gopher or a fast moving snake?   A farmer is mowing his ditches and the smell of fresh grass which smells like the colour green looks - bright, vibrant, new.... ahhh this is why I love to ride!

So it's back to the house, back to the office, and another week...evenings now spent looking at maps and website, making plans for a journey to the west and south. 

And why am I blathering on about this?  Well dear reader, because I love it.  I love the thought of seeing new roads, revisiting old roads from the past, of sharing the joys, the humour and the amazement of a motorcycle trip with my beloved - and then a nice warm evening with wine and reflection....can't wait! End of June is the start of my adventure - two and a half glorious weeks on the road.  Our vacation doesn't take us  to big cities or busy interstates, instead we've found small bed and breakfasts, wee motels and out of the way cabins.  It will be glorious!

Until departure day, we continue to dream, ride to get into shape for long days, chatter about what I want to pack, and polish the bikes.  THEY should be cleaned, the furniture and the floors will have to wait until it rains!