wee Timorous Cowering Beasties Bedamned!

Twas just over a month before Christmas
And all thru our house
Not a creature was stirring...,
Except a wee mouse!
There's been signs of my potholders degrading, little holes in them, a few specks of fluff....
Tonight I see a lot of fluff.., and mouse poops in the potholder drawer!
Out with the bleach, searched for other signs in all cupboards including bathrooms...
Nope, not a whiff o rodentia. Tomorrow the hunt continues!

and so November arrives....

A long and warm windy autumn submits with a shiver and a sigh.

This morning a slight skiff and promise of snow - that cold linen smell in the air, reminding me of towels coming in after a day in near freezing temperatures.  And now a few hours later, snow flakes falling, the first real promise of winter to come.

All our apples have left the trees - just fell off, and it was a tough season for them.  Yes I had high hopes of bushels of sliced and peeled fruit bagged and labelled, awaiting a baking spree of crumbles, pies and such, now gone.  The harvest didn't stand a chance against several hail storms, high winds, wasps and birds...and the apples I had hoped would stay on the ground to attract and feed deer have been cleared away - likely by well meaning neighbors who don't want those nibbling nuisances in their berry bushes.  Oh well, that will go easier on what's left of my rose bushes - the second favorite food of mule deer!

As a manager, I assume I can take a day off work here and there to become domestic, and finish some chores, have a leisurely cup of tea and catch up on Downton Abbey.  Reality? I get up, realize there are three things I need to do in town.  Once I zip into the office, albeit earlier than staff arrived, I am caught in the vortex.  A few phone calls and tidying my desk soon becomes making appointments, answering emergent emails and setting up an out of town lunch meeting to discuss an incoming $30,000 grant.  Gotta be done.  Can't get away.  So rather than coming home for a 10 a.m. nap with the cat, I wander in at 2:30.  C'est la vie.  At least we had some laughs over lunch while strategizing!

Now back to the weather - "I hate this" "Oh gawd it's winter" "I'm so frozen....brrrr" this is what I hear as I wander in and out of my office and through a couple of shops.  I smile and give the never fail prairie response of "cold enough for ya?" and "this will get the geese flying south  eh?".... then move along.  Honestly, it's -2C.  That's not cold! We barely have enough snow to make a track - tho I'm sure we'll have lots overnight.  But really peeps? -20C with a 70 km howler from the north, sheets of snow thick enough to  block the view across the street - THAT is cold my friends!  So once home I toddle around the yard, gather up some yard ornaments that I should have put away last week (when it was warmer and dryer) and wish we'd have gotten up the Christmas lights. 

Weather here is different than any other place we've lived.  It's windy - way windier than when we lived in Nanton, less snowy since we are further from the foothills, but lovely non the less.  Incredible sun rise and sun sets entertain us. Our home is warm, draft free, tho she creaks like a sailing ship in a strong north wind.  I'll have a nice fire on the go tonight when hubby returns home...and life will be fine.

It's funny - to put life in perspective, I try to focus on what is, versus what could be.  Yes it's nice to day dream about winning the lottery - is it going to happen to me? Very unlikely.  My luck comes in little crumbs and bites.  Making the gas station when the low fuel lights been on for 20 minutes.  Catching the porridge just as it's about to breach the top of the pan at a rolling boil. Having a friend that I work with to celebrate my small victories and keep me sane when the battle seems unwinnable.  Finding the man who will share my life forever, and support, love, and be my ideal riding partner? 
Would I give up all these little things for "the big one"?  (My inner Marlean just screamed YES YES YOU WOULD IN A HEARTBEAT!)  To be honest, I don't think I could give up all these little wins, these meaningful day to day blessings. Specially the love of my man - he's a keeper!

I know today was supposed to be my at home clean the bathrooms and dust the furniture day.... but hey, that can wait until tomorrow.  A warm dinner with my beloved, a crackling fire and perhaps even a wee dram together is looking better and better.
OK that's my rambling for the day.  Now on to figure out how to pull off that delicious warm dinner. And bring on the snow!

Summer's past? Say it's ain't so!!!

Ah this morning the dew was decidely - solid looking.  Eeep! Can't be, but I turn on the defrost to just defog the windows a little, then head towards the rising sun, and a quick left onward westward to my office.
What ho?? A yellow leaf falling in front of the windscreen - nooo must be a trick of the old  eyeballs, likely a merry butterfly fluttering by....but noooo it's not a butterfly!! ITS SEPTEMBER...oh lordy lordy the last blog entry was December 2014---10 months ago!  A lot has happened since then, a lot of water under the bridge as they say.
Well the new house, the new job (jobs for both of us!) the same old cat and a broken computer - and life goes on!   Still in the realm of the economic developer and in 24 hours - a Special Advisor for a mission to Jamaica.   Yes, Jamaica mon, ire...it's all good!  Who would have guessed?  It's been sort of a dream of mine to work overseas, to be called on to share my enthusiasm, my knowledge, my....wait a minute!  I live in a climate where these mornings are more 5C and will be in a Caribbean country where it's 36C and feels like 40C with the humidity.  I'm Canadian!! We love our Dry Cold!! the other afternoon I took off my sweater, turned on my office fan because it was (gulp) 21C in the building!
I don't wanna be the pleasantly plump white woman puking and passing out as she deplanes in Montego Bay!
But I digress - did I mention this training session that I'm facilitating is taking place in Trelawney (no idea where that is but near Montego Bay) in an all inclusive 5Star Resort??? Yeah baby  another new experience for moi! What does this translate to? Ohhhh how about 5 restaurants, 6 bars, a schwack of pools and the ocean?  I know - it's the rainy season. but it's gonna be beautiful and warm. 
Where here it's getting very "fallish" out.  And the Christmas season is approaching way quicker than I expected! Santa is booking up - November and December are pretty much taken!
So this means what? Well for me it meant being too excited to sleep, and watching Ernest Saves Christmas on my tablet last night.  Yup, this may be a sign that my old friend Wanda is returning, and we've got the luggage out, packed and ready to go!
Feels good to get the old blog fired up - so watch for more, now that the office is inhabitable I may be blogging instead of watching Ernest and the boys!

Been a long time since I rock and rolleyyyyyed....

Rock is solid.  It is what I was built on, what I continue to build on.  The true rockers of my era (and it was a rocking great era!!) will be humming a song that the title evokes...been a long time, been a long time, been a long lonely lonely lonely time.  Yes, of course you got it - the ultimate rock and roll machine - Led Zeppelin.  Head banging, pedal to the medal, blow out the ear drums, and keep on playing louder - the music I choose to drive to, to clean house to, and that plays in my head in the background waiting to burst forth and make me smile! Music that I can sometimes sing along to, never know all the words to but music that is me.  :-)  Loud, unforgettable, makes you wanna dance, throw back your head and howl along with Mr Page and the lads!!  That's me!

I just took the "way back" machine to my previous blog, composed this past February - ohhh it was a shite of a time for me - and to be honest she's not all been smooth sailing, but tadaaaaa early March I had a meeting with the powers that be in Chestermere and voila - before the end of spring I was back in the saddle. 

The year has been telling - there have been ups and downs and all that entails.  Moments when confidence soars, I know what I am doing, pushing towards to goal (or goals) and then BLAM here comes a hurdle - in the case of the summer - a tidal wave - that made me back up, regroup and review " is this really where I want to go right now?"  Many lessons have been learned this past 6 months - such as the fact that I don't handle platitudes well - the patting of the head and the "You did a great job Marianne" from those in high places.     Alas the "great flood of 2013" kicked a lot of people to the curb and left the town I'd worked so hard for in shambles.  Worse than shambles.  Collectively the populace is coming back up out of the wreck and ruin, tho many have just sold and left. 

So now although I've learned to keep my feelings about "those who shall remain nameless" at a low simmer, rather than a rolling boil, it's left a scar which is going to take a bit more time to heal.  But it's healing - and with prayer and patience and some long walks with Led Zep banging in my head it'll be alright.

The past year has been a wee bit of an emotional roller coaster, the loss of friends and family has added to the scars we bear in this house.  But again, we are making our way through it. O yes and I realized I have three books in me - so I have begun.  No guarantees that you dear reader aren't a part of it!

And as I prepare for another year (2014 and yet, my car doth not fly!!) I know that I'm not exactly over the hill yet but I can see the peak from here - its time for me to pay more attention to ...ME! Yup - nurturing my health, my friends and family, my wonderful husband, my spirituality.  I do confess, I've been weak.  There was a fair amount of backsliding over the past 10 months - but now, it would be appropriate to spend some time in reflection, look at what really makes me whole, and put some effort into those activities.  

There was a wonderful hiatus that took place this winter - John and I just said "waves be damned, full steam ahead" and went on an amazing River Cruise up the beautiful Danube.  Rejuvination was at hand - lots of time to wander, wonder, and heal those scars.  But that's for another installment!

I end this with thanks.... for the return of my happiness.  My amazing husband said "you're blogging again?" I said yeah, Ihavent since February! He reminded me "You weren't blogging because you weren't happy enough - good on ya."    Good nite till next time, with lyrics from Thank You by.... well you can guess who it's by!

 

 

And so today, my world it smiles, your hand in mine, we walk the miles,
Thanks to you it will be done, for you to me are the only one.
Happiness, no more be sad, happiness....I'm glad.

 

Rock on!

Where did my balls go??

Today it feels like I'm juggling, trying to keep all the balls in the air,  but the balls, they are falling and rolling under the furniture! Let me explain:
Last week I was employed, in management, entering the work my team and I had done for some impressive marketing awards.  Today - I'm scuttling along in the ranks of  the unemployed.  And the balls have fallen - oh not lost forever, but I am going to have to get down and dirty to find where they've all gone.
And what was the cause of this change in status? Oh long long story short - politics.  It's the one big hazard of being a bureaucrat.  A G-man (or in my case G woman or as I would rather call it "G Chick) A public servant.  And like many servants over the course of history - I've been kicked to the curb.
Is this my first time round you might ask? No - most people have either quit because they will not take crap or mistreatment or they'll keep going until someone opens the door and shoo's them out. This is not a good feeling.
In fact I was surprised today to find that the many fauceted emotional roller coaster of a newly redundant one was ganging up on me.
Now I am aware of the concerned, caring tone of those who feel they need to let you know "there are many emotional stages you'll go through" but I tend to place those people into one of two categories: those who really do care for you and are trying to help; and those who get paid to tell you crap like that when in fact they are planning what to cook for supper that night once they've handed out the pink slips.
And yes I have been angry.  Beyond angry - for being quietly and quickly ousted from something I have put my heart and soul into for the past few years.  A gals creative juices can only take her so far tho, and that ugly little "omg you are gonna be fired" demon has been lurking around in the grass, nipping at my ankles like a chihuahua on speed, annoying, won't go away....yeah if you've been in my shoes (and what adorable shoes they are I might add) you know what I'm talking about.
No one who gets fired is surprised.  Well almost no one.  There are the signs, the inklings, the little nagging  and the itchy bad "someone is out to get me" signals that perhaps we tend to ignore or push to the back. Sometimes you can head them off at the pass, but sometimes they spring out of the scrub brush at you and BOOM you are done!
The realization that I am not replaceable is more of a blow to the ego than I am prepared for.  There I said it - I feel rejected.  Like  I lost.  And they won.  Which would be true if you don't count the big obvious: Under it all, under the little girly pout "they didn't pick me for the team" and under the anger and sadness is a tidal wave of "oh thank the lord I'm done with that!" A huge Woohoo has been trying to sweep over me at every turn. 
Oh yea, it's true.  I'm not kidding myself. There is the reality:   I need an income. I have bills. I am supporting the Canadian economy, making sure the money flows in and out like the tide.  But overwhelmingly I am releaved.  Happy to  be on a  road to who knows where.  Glad to shed the crap and mould of local politics for the short term and emerge clean and new and ready for the next adventure.
In the big picture, does it matter what decisions were made that impacted my career? Nope - not really.  The muni elections are in October and hell I am not even a constituent in their riding! HA!
The time is perfect - spring - which is condusive to new growth despite some short term storms.
My plan - get that resume out - and so far, so good - I've found 4 very intriguing positions to apply for, and am feeling pretty dang confident. 
Phase two of the plan: get a new suit, some blouses and a couple of pairs of shoes.  Why? Well snappy appearance aside, I wantto go shopping!
Phase three: trust in the Lord - because all kidding and whining aside - it's HIS plan, and He's never let me down!
Yup, I'm gonna be a sharp dressed, well coiffed, praying and job applying fool! Who knows where this will lead? New career? Self-employed? Back to school?
Stay tuned my friends - as I gather those balls, and learn to juggle again. Rock on!

Take a Hike Old Man Winter!

This morning reminded me: you can die in the ditch here, so I drove in all touqued and mittened up and

Tho the roads weren’t bad, it occurred to me:

I’m breaking up with Old Man Winter.

Yup, that’s it, we’re done. 

Giving him the cold shoulder.

Brushing him off like snow off the windscreen.

Turning up the heat and pulling on the down filled armour.

He can kiss my frozen ass and I hope is tongue sticks to a flag pole!!

I’m freezing him out of my life and going to look for someone to give me the shivers – and I don’t mean hypothermia!

I'm waiting for that cute little SPRING dude and his sprouty green hair and cool violet earrings.

All verdant and making you wanna get out the sandals and flirty skirts;

Or his older but much hotter big bro SUMMER.  Yeah motorbikes, black boots,
 wind in his hair, and tanned skin,

Torn jeans, sweaty t’s , always got a cold brew for ya.

His cousin FALL is pretty hot  too – the buzz of bees, cool nights and sunny afternoons

Fast rides under the Harvest moon and late nights..mmm mmm

Yeah that’s it WINTER - We are so over.  Don’t try sending me a wicked Chinook, you give me a headache.

Take your bulky boots, your ugly touques !
I'm scraping you off like the ice on my rear window.
Take your shovels and scrapers and slide on down the road.

Get outta here, your handsome brothers are waiting to come in!

Summer I barely knew thee....

The labour day weekend is now a memory in the past.  Albeit an awesome memory - of belly laughs, beer and campfire smoke, of learning all about "pitchfork bacon" (voted the most perfect man food of all time) and of one last ride before it was back to work you fool (which in my reality is the adult working stiffs version of back to school)

Yes, the bugs of this past weekend still cling to my trusty sporty, the leathers now dry and hopper gut encrusted are folded and wait my attention.  But I can't bring myself to do it - it's like completing the act of cleaning up my riding gear and putting it away is an admission of surrender to fall.

Now don't get me wrong, fall is a nice time of year.  Lovely rusts and golds surrounding crisp mornings and starry nights.  But summer - oh that sweet lass of  the year, was by far the fairest in the land. 

Oh she was a reluctant teary wench, pouring out rain and storms in the beginning but slowly she warmed to the months of July and August - in fact the wench became downright hot and bothered! +33 C degrees, vicious winds and scary thunderstorms punctuated by massive hail - when summer got warmed up, it was a hot flash of menopausal dimensions!  Moody tho she was, there were those pleasant sleepy afternoons, when even the flys didn't bother to  buzz.  Those were the afternoons meant for napping in the lawn chair after a breif and feeble effort at making it through the next 6 pages of my book.  Didn't happen - snoozing won out.

Riding my bike, cruising along on a hot day was devine! Bugs be damned, it was full speed ahead, and listening to the calm drone of my bike was awesome.  A trip down the west (or as we say 'wet'coast) was a balm - a way of aligning my stars and cards and whatever else needed aligning. 

You see a good ride is like therapy.  There is no time to dwell on the flotsam and minutea of day to day life, no need to worry if my hair looks okay, if I'm gonna loose weight, if the bills are all paid or if I changed my voice mail at work.  Not important to me at the time.  All that matters is I'm in the zone. 

And the zone is only focusing on the now - not yesterday, not what is happening tomorrow or in other parts of the world.  When a person gets in the zone on their bike it's all about the  road, the bike and your immediate surroundings.  And assuming you are moving along with traffic, the immediate surroundings change second by second.  So I get in the zone, listen and feel for changes in the way the bike runs, or the road feels;  I watch for the road surface, noting areas to avoid, and adjusting my route appropriately.  I notice the immediate surroundings as I move through them - cars rolling to a stop, on coming traffic if there is any, and if none then the sky, the grass in the ditch, cows watching and cheering for me as I zip along with a goofy grin of zenlike satisfaction on my face. and THAT is when I am at my happiest. 

The Zone - it's when I feel connected to the now - to God, to Earth, to my Bike, and the only other thing that matters is seeing  the back of my hubby as he too zones along on his bike somewhere ahead of me.  Sure there are elements trying to distract me - an occassional kamakaze beetle that dings off my forehead at 75 mph - a good wake up call from the Big Guy Above to pay attention perhaps?  Or a mare and colt who try to race for a few hundred feet and then veer off to enjoy their day without me. And once a hawk who just couldn't seem to pull up fast enough to avoid a near miss with my helmet.  But overall, as in 98% of the time - it's a glorious wonderful brush with life. 

My friends hear of all the bad parts of riding a motorcycle, and my mom worries that it's dangerous.  Well it is.  Let's be honest, between me and the big truck hurtling along beside me - I'm the softest thing out there.  And if it's my fate - well then I hope it's quick.  But this is not something I, or most riders dwell on.  We know what can happen, and if that is too much to fathom, and all we think about - then it's time to hang up the helmet and get back in the Buick.  I have faith in my ability to avoid dangers, to look ahead and be defensive.  That too is part of the Zone.  You don't remove yourself from the traffic or  road or horrible wind - you are there - 100% in the moment, paying attention and it becomes second nature. 

And that's why I do it - I love it! I feel energized, even after three hours battling a wicked headwind.  Because I'm alive!

Let me end with this little tale from the past: 

Many years ago, it was in Nevada the summer they'd had a lot of grass and brush fires.  Riding west, three of us were blissfully unaware that a storm was waiting to bear down on us.  I thought the horizon looked too dark, but hey it could be a desert thunderstorm and they are wicked! (remind me to tell you about being kinda struck by lightening some time)  And I do  recall wondering why someone would have a campfire going, because I could see a white plume of smoke going straight up in the distance, highlighted by the black behind it.  Hmmmm that might not be a campfire I recall thinking, almost looks like...a TWISTER! And those people in the oncoming lane on the freeway, they aren't being overly friendly - even tho all the drivers were waving like lunatics - they were TELLING US  TO TURN BACK!!!  And those thunderclouds - why it was wind, it was A HUGE DUST STORM rolling down on us! No wonder there wasn't any  traffic headed west along with us, we didn't have radios - we hadn't heard the warnings! 

Yup, God looks after fools and children, because we finally realized what we were about to head into, stopped and turned around.  It wasn't a problem because no one was traveling towards west but us! So three riders, tails between our legs hauled a$$ back to the last town, crossed the interstate median, rolled into a gas station and tucked our bikes up on the board walk next to the grocery store on the leeward side just in time.  We all burst into the store before we even spoke - then watched as the black sooty sand washed down the windows like water.  That day several people died on that stretch of highway as they were caught in a complete black out on that interstate in Nevada.  Thankfully we three were not among them.  And if that wasn't enough, when we finally got ourselves collected and the nervous laughter and adrenalin died down, we walked out to find one of the bikes had a totally flat back tire.  How lucky were we not to have that happen on the road in a storm? 

The day was saved, we found a shop, mended the tire, stayed the night and lived to tell a good tale.  Scary? you betcha - exciting - of course. Did I feel alive? Oh yes! And Thankful beyond words.

To this day I am thankful that I get to ride and smell the sage and see the sights on my bike with my beloved hubby riding ahead of me.  Now this blog didn't really touch on our wonderful trip to California, the vineyards, the olive groves, miles of walnut and almond orchards - but we'll save that for another installment.

Enjoy life.  Don't dwell on the crap you can't change.  And always give thanks for what you got!